Monday, 30 January 2017

Chocolate Hobnobs And Mum Guilt

So as we know, I'm not one to shy away from telling you about parent life as it is. I've made a fair few discoveries being a new mum and one of them is mum guilt, something I never even knew existed until 7 weeks ago. So let's take a little journey in my new found guilt shall we? 'Cause ya know, it's always nice to have something else to worry about....



 Mum Guilt

Definition;
Feeling like shit for not being the mum you thought you'd be/ loosing your shit and missing your 'old' life/ letting your baby cry it out and eating chocolate hobnobs in the kitchen while sobbing.


Parenting is hard and with the amount of time we spend on social media (3am feeds) you don't actually see the shit bits. No one wants to share the nappy explosions, toddler tantrums or their giant eye bags from constant broken sleep. You only see those happy photos on Insta and Facebook of rosy cheeked children, smiling parents and successful days out.

Pre-baby I totally had labels for every type of mum, I think everyone does really. I had visions of being that Pinterest style mum, children always dressed and looking gorgeous, myself (without a legging in sight); skinny jeans, ironed shirts and converse with my hair and makeup exactly as it always had been, doing Pinterest style crafts, making my own baby food from scratch and happily going on long lazy walks down the sea front.

HA.

Most days I'm up with the 6am feed and it's then I'll get myself ready for the day, after the baby is fed, changed and back asleep obviously. Then I get ready for the day, usually a shower, clothes, makeup, hair, breakfast while running around doing housework before he wakes up. Then it's washing, tummy time, walks to the park with the dogs, reading books and keeping his entertained from the moment he wakes up, to the second he peacefully falls asleep. Well, that's my good day scenario anyway.

Bad day, I've been awake since the 2/3 am feed, unable to get back to sleep. 6am rolls around and little man wakes up for his usual feed, dress, bum change routine and I'm suddenly hit with a wave of tiredness and as soon as he's down I'm back in bed. As I've learnt, babies and lay ins don't mix and this means I have no chance of a shower (screaming child), breakfast (hello mummy I'm awake and want attention), makeup (no, I don't want to be in this bloody bouncer), hair (excuse me, I've had a nappy explosion and need your urgent attention) and as for clothes it's leggings and a top thanks. When I'm woken by the inevitable screaming of my hungry banshee, I'm still shattered, hungry and feeling like a total grot bag. You can almost guarantee those days are always 'bad ones' as I'm shattered and simply don't have the brain power or patience to cope very well with the demands that come with a small child.
This is when the mummy guilt kicks in and it's a funk that's hard to shake off. Am I really cut out for this? I can't bloody wait to go back to work. OMG what have I done? I miss my old life.

Of course, I don't really mean any of it. I love my little chunk but that feeling of just not being good enough, not being cut out for motherhood and the dreaded thoughts of 'maybe I shouldn't have done this'. Mix this with anxiety and with a long drawn out day of the same boring routine, no adult interaction and a screaming baby, they really are hard thoughts to shake.
It's those days when Olly is screaming his head off because waiting for his bottle to warm is the end of the world, I have to pop him in his moses basket, let him scream and comfort eat Hobnobs straight out the packet while his milk warms. 

Does he deserve better? Yes, he deserves nothing but the best of me but some days that is all that I can give. Some days my best isn't the best he deserves but it's the best of a bad situation, a bad day, the best of a guilty mother. 

Mummy Est 2014
'My Mum Guilt is my little boy having additional needs and the feeling that there's something that I did wrong or didn't do properly. I know it's stupid because I did everything that a Mama can do but I still get that nagging guilt...'

Eps And Amy
 'My mum guilt is that I went back to work when J was 6 months old, and looked forward to having days at work. It's so nice to be known by your name and to have entire conversations with adults. I still feel bad for enjoying work days. '

Five Little Stars
'My mum guilt is that we moved our children away from their grandparents and cousins when they very young (for work). They'll never know the joy and comfort of being close to family like I did when I was growing up.'


'My mum guilt is that I shout at the children when sometimes it's not because they are doing anything wrong and more because I am tired and grumpy!!'

Cardiff Mummy Says
'Oh, this is something I struggle with a lot! I feel guilty about so much when it comes to parenting. Particularly at the moment, I feel guilty that I hardly get any one to one time with my two eldest children. They are 7 and 5 now and both at school now so I get time with my youngest. I love that they close as siblings but I worry they miss out by now having time with their parents on their own. I used to feel guilty that my third born got no time just me and him when he was born and just had to slot into his big brother and sister's lives.'

Until next time,Beccax
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3 comments

  1. I can share poo explosions with you if you want? I feel they are my badge of honour!!

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  2. I can't relate as a parent, but I do believe that you should never feel guilty for doing your best as a mum. Even if some days your best doesn't feel like the best. Being a mum is hard, I recognise that and I'm not even one yet, and you should never blame yourself for bad days, or not always feeling like you're up to it. xx

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  3. I can totally relate to this. Strangely I found this more from my 2nd Rowan. I miss when with Josie no urgency of going anywhere and spending time with her. Rowan I had the joy of school runs and constantly round a timetable. I loathe days when am all set to be a Pinterest mum and it ends up nothing like that. It will get better as Olly gets bit older and regular nap times etc and the brilliant going all the way through the night. One thing helped Rowan with the sleeping is his nightlight. It automatically comes on when he cries and soothes him again. When the batteries run out it is like end of the world panic mind lol

    Stacey xxx unicornfairy.net

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