The last three months simultaneously feel like its whizzed by and like it's gone on forever. Days of lazy weekend lay ins seem like a lifetime ago but it also feels like our tiny human has always been here. Some days have felt like weeks and I've definitely changed as a person so what's it like being a parent three months in?
I'll let you in to a secret. Every single parent I've met, regardless if they breastfeed, bottle feed, co sleep, survive purely off caffeine, haven't got time to brush their hair, look like a supermodel, take their kid to classes, only venture out when they have too..... are all winging it. Yup, at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you do it to the letter of some baby bible or opt to do things a little more adhok, you won't actually know if you've brought up a pure delight or an utter terror to society until it's too late. Keeping them alive some days is a total fucking achievement and it's all thanks to guess work, your gut instinct and if you can get away with wearing those leggings again before you actually do have to wash them.
Bringing up a child also reverts back to high school. There's cliques and regardless what you do some bloody know it all will judge you. Your going to get some advice you'll want to shove up their arse but of course they have 5 children and they were all bought up on nothing but organic unicorn poop from birth and you over there with your bottle made milk just don't make the mark. Parent's judge each other, you see it the second you walk through the door at your first group, who you should sit with, who you'll share a hello with, who you'll not even acknowledge. I've been to groups where no one has said a word to me the entire time because the cliques were already in place. The pre-baby friends, the earth mothers, the breastfeeding gang, the scummy mummies, the yummy mummies, the dad's..... It's like Bowling For Soup said; high school never ends.
Probably the most unexpected thing was just how much I've learnt about myself. It's so easy to get caught up in the mummy groups drama but ya know what I've learnt? I really couldn't care less. I'm so much more relaxed than I was pre-baby. I can't be bothered with drama, I can't be arsed with being messed around. Something happened since I had my tiny human that non mummy me would have lost her shit over, I would have hit the roof and ensured my point was across and who to blame was well aware. Post baby me, said fuck it. I called them out, went to the person I needed too with what had happened without being rude or unprofessional and then said good luck but count me out. Why did I spend so many years worrying what people thought of me? Why did I let people walk all over me? It's been a very lovely discovery and I'm a hell of a lot happier for it, that's for sure.
I've openly admitted until around 2 years ago, I didn't want kids. I didn't like being around children, I didn't want to hold the baby, I didn't want them period. I completely and utterly adore my own. It is so completely different having your own child. I don't care about the dribble, the sick or the shitty nappies. Although nothing in the entire world can prepare you for the sleepless nights and the 2 hourly feeds (seriously, nothing will ever prepare you) I really didn't expect to love it as much as I do. The first month was extremely hard, I even looked at going back to work full time as I felt I just couldn't cope but I got there, I made it.
Being a parent is the hardest job in the entire world and it's taken me from every emotion possible but in a mere three months not only have I got the most incredible little guy but I've grown as a person and I won't ever be able to thank him enough for that.
Until next time,