Tuesday, 24 October 2017

The Truth About Being A Stay At Home Mum

I'll start this blog post by saying I utterly adore my Son. He's the best thing in my life and I don't regret a single minute that I've spent with him but I've recently seen an influx of working parents who are wishfully dreaming about being a stay at home parent so I thought I'd share what it's actually like to spend 24/7 with your child.

One of the hardest things I've found is that I am no longer a person, I am simply 'Oliver's Mum'. I don't have my own identity, people don't talk to me, they talk to him while asking me questions. People don't ask for my name only his, people don't want to know anything about me only him. I am merely a vessel pushing around a pram.

I went from working full time in what I would call a good career to nothing and that really did take some getting used too. Since I left London wages are seriously lower which means it wasn't financially worth me going back to work. In my full time London job I was earning close to £21,000 a year, in Kent my old job only brings in £16,000 and with childcare for under 2's costing a massive £5.50 an hour and the additional cost of having to pay for child care while I travel to and from work, in most jobs I'm lucky if I break even. Being a stay at home mum wasn't something I'd ever considered, I never planned on it working out the way it has.

Don't get me wrong being a stay at home mum is incredibly rewarding, I get to see my squishy baby grow and develop into a functioning human and he amazes me every single day but my life now revolves around him. As he isn't going to nursery I try to take him to at least 3-4 playgroups a week so he can socialise and be put into different situations and environments. Most playgroups tend to run in the morning so we leave the house around 10 after breakfast and getting ready (in which it takes me at least 40 mins to do my makeup as he has to try and pull everything out or crawl off and cause chaos) and get back home around 11.30 just in time for his nap.

Nap time either goes one of two ways for us, he'll have fallen asleep in the car and I can simply pop him out and straight into bed without missing a beat or he's full of it and has a screaming fit for 40 mins. This can include him trying to pull the curtains, grab me or grab the wall stickers down off the wall. Once he's finally asleep I get around 40 mins until he's up again, so I usually spend this time doing housework, eating something that doesn't take long to prepare and getting his lunch ready for when he wakes up.

Then it's lunch for him, a quick tidy up once he's finished and we either head out to do food shopping (which is fine for around half an hour, then he wants out of the trolley!) or we stay home, play and watch cartoons or go out to meet with other mummy friends at soft play or various other baby friendly places. 

He goes to bed around 6.30pm and to be honest once he's in bed, I am beyond knackered but there's no rest for the wicked as dinner needs to sorted and if I want to have any 'me' time it's the only opportunity I get, so baths and hair washing is a go. My blogging has taken a serious back seat the last few months because I simply haven't got the time to do it, if I do try during the day my tiny dude tries to help and won't leave my laptop alone so it's easier to wait until he's asleep!

I understand for some the SAHP is the perfect job role but it's seriously the hardest job I've ever had. No adult conversation or if there is it's about our babies, I waved goodbye to my own identity and everything I now do is for him or my family. I don't get lay ins, I don't get Friday feeling, I don't get a lunch hour or a cheeky 15 min coffee break. While I used to bitch about my London commute, I don't get an hour to sing badly along to the radio in my car before starting work, my job is 24/7 365 days a year.

In the early days I almost begrudged my husband because nothing changed for him. His life carried on as usual and he got all the perks of our baby being super excited to see him when he got home, while my life had been completely turned on it's head and I'm the one who takes the brunt of the tantrums.

One thing I still struggle with is the feeling that I don't contribute financially. I hate going out and spending money because I didn't earn it. My husband couldn't care less because it is what it is and if I wasn't at home looking after our baby we'd be worse off but I still feel totally guilty but I rarely spend money on myself as I can't help but feel I didn't earn it.

The last 10 months has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and while I am grateful that I get to watch him grow up I can't lie that I miss being an actual individual and not just 'mum'.

Until next time,


  1. This is something I think about a lot. I don't have kids yet but I do fear the identity crisis of being defined as just mother when there is so much more to me.
    However, I do think you need to be kind to yourself. Make time to treat yourself! You are taking care of a brand new human being and that's a pretty special job to reward yourself for. :-)

  2. I felt the same way when my kids were younger. Time goes quickly and before you know it they go to nursery and school and you get more time to yourself. People still see me as 'just' a mum which is annoying!

  3. What a lovely post, I really enjoyed reading it! I agree with Elizabeth, always make time to treat yourself, too!


  4. Wonderful, honest post. Love it. For me, being a Stay At Home Mum is my dream. I've never wanted a career, I have no job aspirations and I'm just plodding along until I have our first child. But I do often look at my friends who are SAHP's and think that, for those who became SAHP's after having a good career and career ambitions, it must be a real adjustment. Thank you for writing such an honest post! x www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x


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